Published August 4th 2015 by Sourcebooks Fire
YA > Contemporary
eARC for Review
BLURB FROM GOODREADS:
“When I met Oliver Perry, I had no clue he was the lead singer for The Heartbreakers. And he had no idea that I was the only girl in the world who hated his music.”
Stella will do anything for her sick sister, Cara—even stand in line for an autographed Heartbreakers CD…for four hours. She’s totally winning best birthday gift this year. At least she met a cute boy with soft brown hair and gorgeous blue eyes while getting her caffeine fix. Too bad she’ll never see him again.
Except, Stella’s life has suddenly turned into a cheesy love song. Because Starbucks Boy is Oliver Perry – lead singer for the Heartbreakers. And even after she calls his music crap, Oliver still gives Stella his phone number. And whispers quotes from her favorite Disney movie in her ear. OMG, what is her life?
But how can Stella even think about being with Oliver — dating and laughing and pulling pranks with the band — when her sister could be dying of cancer?
If you want to read a book that will make you stupider for having read it, you, my dear friend, have stumbled upon the find of your lifetime. Not only is The Heartbreakers a brain cell killer, it will also annihilate your chances of ever wanting pick up a Young Adult Contemporary after it, so beware.
Let me tell you a little something about this book: DONT READ IT. No, seriously. Reading a review about it and laughing at the sheer stupidity that is this book is one thing, but putting yourself through the trouble of reading it is a completely different thing. So. Don’t bother with this book. You know you have work/homework/baby-making/chores/whatever to do. Do it. Don’t waste your time.
If you’re still here, it either means a) you still have hope or b) you’ve take me for a complete shit and want me to justify myself. I’ll do it happily.
The Heartbreakers are a fictional American boy band who are—obviously—the life and soul of teenage girls worldwide. Their formulaic bubble pop and their pretty faces makes them every girl’s (proverbial) wet dream. Cara, suffers from cancer, and is probably one of their greatest fans. But since she is unable to attend their concert, and as a part of her birthday surprise, her twins Stella and Drew decide to go get some signed merch for Cara.
Stella, the lead idiot of the book happens to stop at a Starbucks on her way to the signing and happens to meet Oliver Perry, lead singer. She doesn’t recognise him, however, and after a little harmless flirting, the two go their separate ways. And of course, because this book was nothing if not filled to the brim with clichés, Stella and Drew don’t get their merch signed because after standing for four hours in line, the band has to leave. Stella is pissed. AND SHE TAKES IT OUT ON THE BAND WHEN SHE MEETS THEM IN A HOTEL ELEVATOR. SHE CALLS THEM OUT ON THEIR MUSIC AND DOES IT IN THE MOST BITCHIEST WAY POSSIBLE.
“The only thing that’s crazy is that people actually listen to your music.” (ARC, location – 392)
One of the band members, after Stella’s rude, obnoxious tantrum, actually says this:
“I think I kind of like this girl. She’s got sass. Can we keep her?” (ARC, location – 397)
I mean, have you no self respect or have you no self respect?
I could go on and on ridiculing this sorry excuse of trash but here’s the rundown: A few minutes after the elevator debacle, Stella and Drew get invited to The Heartbreakers’ hotel room, goof off in the hotel pool, make besties with the band and Stella and Oliver kiss. Yes, they kiss within hours of having met for the first time.
Here’s a list of some fails in this book:
- The most loved American boy band hiring an unprofessional, 17 year old girl as their official photographer. And the goodie part? Said photographer hates their music.
- An insta-love type romance that fell flat on its face. Repeatedly.
- Pointless pranks, ketchup eating competitions, hell, there was something with Silly String…?
- “Humour” that just pained me to read. It felt forced and added nothing to the plot whatsoever.
- It read suspiciously like One Direction/5 Seconds of Summer fan fiction. Opinions, anyone?
- Obviously this has been picked up the way it was from Wattpad and then published. No editing, no making the book people-friendly, and absolutely no humanising the characters. Every single one of them belonged in the jungle, getting eaten by an animal.
I completely adored this novel, in that it was so bad and unrealistic and poorly written that it was enjoyable and I found myself laughing A LOT. Nothing was probable, clichés were in abundance and the “romance” was a joke. The book ended abruptly and it was my life’s greatest moment because I actually read all 336 pages and though I completely enjoyed this crap, it was time for it end.
If I’ve convinced even two of HBT readers not to read this book, then my life is a success. Believe me, you will lose all faith in humanity if you ever read this book.